Spirituality, God, and Self-Delusion

I used to talk to God all the time. I would pray for God to help me succeed. To help me accomplish goals, to help me get over problems, and for comfort. It was an excellent feeling knowing that something bigger and more powerful than myself would take care of me. Sometimes I miss that feeling. I wish I could get it back.

Sometimes, just out of habit, I find myself talking to God. When I realize what I’m doing I pause and reflect on the fact that no one is listening. Damn. I kind of wish there was someone listening. Maybe it’s a healthy delusion.

When I examine God I sometimes wonder if I could convince myself it’s real. Could I revert back to my adolescence and start believing again? This time it wouldn’t be the Christian God. It couldn’t be. There are just too many gaps on that front. But what about a deity? Just some higher power. Even then, I don’t think I could ever believe that this higher power is involved in my personal life.

Many of the founding fathers were deists. They believed there was something out there. Somewhere. Not an “it” but a “something”. At least they seemed to believe that. I’d like to believe that too. The comfort in such a thought is almost too appealing to ignore. Maybe there is some energy, some common and unseen force that connects all of the Universe. Maybe I can buy into that.

I really don’t know, but I do think spirituality is important. It is important for mental health, I think. But being spiritual doesn’t give you that sense of community traditional religion does – so what’s the alternative? I don’t know. Maybe it is just a common appreciation of everything.

I’d like to be more spiritual, but I can’t compromise truth to do so. I can’t lie to myself just to feel better. If there be such a deity self-delusion is not doubt the greatest sin. I guess I’ll just keep searching for my own truth – if there be such a thing. That’s all I can do.

4 thoughts on “Spirituality, God, and Self-Delusion

  1. Holden

    Einstein believed in god but not God with a capital G. Being his entire life was spent dreaming about energy and it’s nature, it got me imagining that in his great mind, I bet he thought of god as some sort of energy being, but probably nothing like any human could comprehend.

    Consider that. Think about the nature of the universe and its major forces- gravity and electromagnetic radiation. Then consider how physicists typically seem to accept that the universe came into beingfrom an extremely small, dense gravitational marble that became so engulfed in itself that it an extreme reaction was set off (aka- the big bang) which set the Universe expanding into infinity, or at least until some super gravitational force reigns it back in.

    Now consider some being made of pure energy in the center of an even larger space we can’t begin to comprehend, where there are most likely, many other “Universes” all expanding or contracting alongside ours, all coming from their own ‘big bangs’, maybe these even overlap, but at different wavelengths, essentially resulting in overlapping energy and matter whose atoms spin at a totally different resonance than ours- parallel universes.

    Suddenly, the God/Gods of mythology, the Abrahamic traditions, etc… seem very small and limited in scope.


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