I really want to be a good man. I’m not sure if other people feel that way consciously, but I have the feeling that not everyone does. I think about integrity and standards a lot. I even catch myself readjusting my behavior to align with my expectations. Sometimes its natural, sometimes it takes conscious effort.
Even when I’m reading the news or having a conversation I do this. Sometimes I’ll be reading a news article about the economy or politics and find myself slipping into an unconscious habit of judgement or negativity and I’ll become aware of that – I force myself to evaluate my natural feelings and self-assess their value. Sometimes I find that my thoughts were valid and sometimes not.
For example, one of my shortcomings is empathy. Empathy for strangers and even for people like my wife. I’m too quick and unconcerned. My natural self says “you are making this too big a deal”, “stop whining”, or “it’s because they are lazy”. The stream of disinterest goes on.
What takes real effort is to step outside your own presuppositions and personal experience. If you can do this you can begin to see the world through different prisms, to solve problems you couldn’t within your own framework, and at a minimum – become more empathetic and understanding. I try to do this – consciously – and usually fail, but sometimes succeed too.
I often worry that not enough people consciously, of their own accord, want to be good. I don’t even know if people care about being good. And I don’t think people who are forced to be good by religious ideas or peer pressure are in the same boat either. They think someone is watching – that their is a reward or punishment – and that modifies their behavior. I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing, but it’s not what I’m talking about.
The thing I wonder about are people who make an effort to be good for the sake of nothing, but maybe humanity. Maybe some arbitrary and undefined goodness. Good for the sake of good. I don’t know what that is and I don’t know if that makes sense, but it drives me. I don’t even really know what good is – I guess it’s subjective.
If I had to define “good” or a “good person” I guess I would say it’s anyone who is working through it. Anyone who consciously tries to do right – and follows through with actions of goodness as result. A person working through their own shortcomings to do better by their fellow man – I think that’s good.
Of course a person who tries to do good, but ends up committing evil anyways is not good. So good by it’s very nature has to emerge first in the consciousness and result in action. I guess that’s where I’m at – somewhere at the intersection of the consciousness and application of good.