Guest Post: If technology is sexy then you are a fat bitch!

This marks a monumental occasion for BlogTruth.  My first ever guest post.  This one comes from my good friend Holden who you may have seen hanging around in the comments section from time to time.  

I’ve been helping people fix their shit for some time now. In college I worked a tech support job and fixed computers for extra cash.  I was a lonely fat looser back then. Later I grew into doing some web development and small business consulting.  That sucked too because small business owners are even cheaper than me. Eventually, two college degrees later, I graduated to the big leagues doing consulting for a large organization serving some of the biggest companies in the US.  So far that’s been good.

What do all these jobs, both large and small have in common? At their core, they all involve you helping people do shit they either don’t want to do themselves or simply can’t. For the most part its because they can’t.  Some people can’t find the power button on their computer, some companies can’t find the data they’re looking for.

When people call up tech support, hire you to do something as a freelancer or hire a consulting firm to do a project, more times than not that person/organization has tried to do the job themselves, and royally fucked it up, failed miserably and now bear a nice fat, black and bruised ego. I can deal with this. What I can’t deal with are the folks who simply refuse to do anything for themselves.  I mean ANYTHING!

And this leads me to my rant. I’m guest posting on BlotTruth today to save my sanity, to calm my nerves and frankly, to keep me from smashing in the face of a needy, uppity BITCH whose best talent is pointing and telling people to do shit for her that she is too mentally lazy to do for herself.

This woman is a personal client of mine. She owns a few shops around town and hires me to be her personal geek squad boy.  If I was a little better hung I would undoubtedly be her love slave too. Only I’m averagely hung and I wasn’t originally hired to be her personal geek squad bitch. I was hired to be her photographer, social media guy and web developer!

Over time, I have experienced the dreaded “Scope Creep!” (Yeah, I learned that in my MBA) Slowly, more and more duties creep into my duties. I’m pretty sure by next week wiping her ass will be in the job description too.

The worst part is pay never increases, only time and effort spent tending to this needy ass, helpless woman. And being the passive aggressive guy I am, I never say anything about it, opting instead to write cowardly anonymous blog posts, full of complaints and whiny ass rants.

The problem with this person isn’t that she is ignorant or devoid of technology skills, it is that she refuses to exert any sort of effort in solving the smallest of problems!

For example, a few weeks ago I received the phone call in the middle of the day while at my day job and was asked,

“why won’t my mouse work?”

I reply, “Did you check to see if it is plugged in?”

For a reason only God knows, it wasn’t. She plugged it in, it still didn’t work.

She asks, “The computer doesn’t see it. Can you come by?”

“I’m sorry, but I’m at work… did you try restarting your computer?”

I understand that some people aren’t computer literate, but seriously, is it that difficult to use even an ounce of problem solving skills? What if this was a TV remote. I’m willing to bet virtually none of you are aware of how a TV remote actually works, but if your TV remote wasn’t working, wouldn’t you at the least check to see if it had batteries? And if it did, would you maybe… change them…. And if the TV still didn’t respond, would you maybe try unplugging and plugging it back in? GASP!

Basic troubleshooting isn’t rocket science! Yet, some people, namely this woman, is unwilling to exert even a basic amount of effort to fix anything for herself. Instead I keep getting these hair brained fucking texts and phone calls on a semi-weekly basis. Earlier today I even got an angry text asking why the phone wouldn’t work. My response, “I have no idea, have you tried checking with the phone company?”

So, here is my plea to all of you out there in blog-land. Please, please, Oh Sweet Jesus please exert even a thimble full worth of effort before asking your tech support guy for help. At the least, restart whatever it isn’t working, unplug and plug it back in and make sure it has batteries or is in fact plugged into the wall!

Do it for your sake, not ours. After all, you’re only making yourself look like a total tool and asshole.  Also, there is a good chance your IT guy is rubbing his balls all over your keyboard in spite.  (Okay, not really.  Maybe.)

Thank you.

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