My Mom is getting old. I’m starting to notice for the first time. She’s only about 50, but I can see it in her face. The sun spots, the wrinkles, her lack of health, and her emotional instability that a lifetime of difficulty so ungraciously molder her look. Even talking to her sometimes I can tell she can barely hold it together. She cries almost instantly – from feeling abandoned, by everyone, and maybe even from guilt.
She came over to my house Saturday for the second time during a family get together. We didn’t talk much and I regret that. I have a hard time talking to her because honestly I don’t have much to talk about with her. She stays at home 99% of her life. It’s quite sad. She is handicapped, has no car, and lives in project housing. She and my Dad do not live together, but are still married, so she only gets out when someone takes her. She also lives over an hour drive from me so I rarely venture to see her.
I could say that she’s done this to herself and in a large extent she has, but honestly that shouldn’t keep me from being a good son. Any negative feeling I have toward my parents I need to put behind me. I know those feeling will only be magnified and stacked on top of guilt after she dies. I know she doesn’t have long left. I know that’s terribly morbid, but I have to be honest here. It is completely possible she will die within the next decade. She may never meet my future children.
Maybe its my job as a decent human being to intervene. I’ve actually considered helping her buy a house, but at 25 is it fair that I put my dreams, my wife’s dreams, on hold for her? Maybe it is. At very least I could make a better effort to spend time with her on a regular basis – even though seeing her means listening to her problems and feeling guilty the entire time. She doesn’t even try to do it – her life really is depressing.
Why the fuck do I have to have Mommy and Daddy issues? It’s almost laughable. I go to work and excel. I’m confident and manage teams of 20 for milti-million dollar projects at times, most of my friends and acquaintances don’t have a clue about my upbringing, but the issues with my Mom and Dad leave me at a loss.
I know I have to step it up and be a better son. Not for my parents, but for me. They may or may not deserve it, but its really the only way I can prevent doing permanent damage to myself.
Sometimes I honestly feel that I could forget about them and be fine. Even right not I feel totally detached from them, but I feel that tiny tug at the bottom of my heart telling me they brought me into this world and I have been given this gift of life – avoid guilt and regret – and be a good son.
What the hell are these feelings? Is this Evolution’s way of making me take care of the elders in my tribe? Is this God? What strange sensation is this! Yeah, I’m laughing to myself. Despite all of my desire for logic and using my brain rather than heart – some sense of my moral code of ethics tells me taking care of my parents and preserving the relationship is important. Even if they are pathetic people and did a terrible job raising me for the most part.
Anyone else have Mommy and Daddy issues they overcame? What’s the right way out here? Lessons learned?