The Time I Danced with a Tranny

“Legendary-ish Stories” is a series I plan to write occasionally in which I describe actual incidents that happened in my life. These incidents often involve alcohol and at times immorality – neither of which I necessarily condone. With these stories I hope to add a touch of humor and display human imperfection while simultaneously eroding my credibility. Enjoy.

I’ve always kind of had two sets of friends. I’ve kind of had my college friends and the other group of friends that I have met randomly at some point of life and stayed in touch with. In this story I was hanging out with a few of those friends that I had met at different points in life and managed to stay in touch with. In fact they are two of my best friends. We’ll call them Mike and Dave. Why? Because that’s their names.

Anyways, I usually tried to bring Mike and Dave back to the college bars with me (they are older than me) and get them to hammer a few drinks with me and hit on girls that are way out of their leagues. Mostly we drank, a lot. So after a few rounds of beers, a few quick games of “bartender give me the shittiest thing you’ve got”, and chugging contests we decided it was time to hit the dance floor.

Being the youngest and most familiar with the college scene I was the most successful at nabbing a girl and convincing her to dance. This night was no different. I saw a gorgeous woman, a little older, obviously not college aged on the dance floor. Drunkenly, I approached her and she agreed to dance with me. We danced for a while, I danced with her fiends – it was great. Meanwhile I watched Mike and Dave get rejected. Eventually Dave convinced one girl to dance with him, but Mike stood in the corner and watched. It was actually kind of creepy in retrospect.

We were all obviously way to drunk, but that’s what nights like that are for. I guess at some point around 2am the alcohol wore off enough for me to regain my senses and I realized the beautiful woman I was dancing with all night was a little manly. She had large breasts and I didn’t feel anything poking me in the stomach, but it concerned me. It concerned me enough that I decided to stop dancing with her.

I noticed her burly hands gulped mine up like a toddlers. Was that a five o’clock shadow craftily covered with makeup? Was her chin more sculpted than mine? Why is there hair on her knuckles. Most importantly – why am I dancing with a small man? Is this the light? Is this a man or just a woman that tanned and worked out too much in her younger years? Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating details or maybe I was too drunk to remember it clearly enough to feel comfortable.

I titled this article “The Time I Danced with a Tranny”, but a better title might be “The Time I MIGHT have Danced with a Transexual and my loser friends never let me forget it.” Look – I’m 95% sure this woman was just a personal trainer or something. She was 5ft 4inches and about 110lbs. I’m pretty sure unless you are a lady-boy in Thailand, they don’t build Trannys like that here in America, but if you ask either of my friends I danced with a man. A man rubbed all over my crotch. A man. A man. A man! Jesus I hope not!

Maybe I was drunk and maybe I’m in denial, but the fact is there is a 5% chance that I dirty danced with a Man for an hour in college. Ask my friends and it was a 95% chance. Either way, that is 5% or 95% chance too much. I don’t know if I can or even want to know the truth – for now I’ll just accept the mystery.

I know one thing though, the moral of story – Transsexuals can dance their ass off.

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4 thoughts on “The Time I Danced with a Tranny

  1. Pingback: binge drinking is for college kids – or at least it should be «

  2. Jim Zee

    File this one under the category “Things not to tell the kids about your collegiate life” .

    Reminds me of the song by K’s Choice: Something’s Wrong.

    When your pubic hair’s on fire, something’s wrong
    When you think you’re the Messiah, something’s wrong
    When you mistake a plane for Venus, something’s wrong
    When your girlfriend’s got a penis

    Something’s wrong…
    Something’s wrong…
    Something’s wrong…
    Something’s wrong…

    When you like music more than life, something’s wrong
    When you start sleeping as you drive, something’s wrong
    When you’re favorite drink is thinner, something’s wrong
    When you’re proud to be a sinner

    Something’s wrong…
    Something’s wrong…
    Something’s wrong…
    Something’s wrong…

    When a canary drives a tractor, something’s wrong
    When your president’s an actor, something’s wrong
    When your jacket’s plagued with dandruff, something’s wrong
    If you think that this song matters

    Something’s wrong…

    Jim Zee

    Reply
  3. Pingback: Top 11 posts of 2011 «

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