If She had Died

Yesterday I was running and a car came inches from hitting a woman at an intersection. The car was going 50 and stopped on a dime. Had anything gone wrong she would have been dead and I would have witnessed my first vehicular death. Since I was running – which is also when I do my best thinking I started to debate with myself about what I would have done.

I knew for certain that I would have ran over to help because I was already changing my path to go toward her. I would have held her in my arms and tried to comfort her. The real question is what would have I said? Would have I tried to tell her everything is going to be alright? If these were her last moments would I leave it at that.

The more I thought about it the more I realized that I would have tried to sum her life up. Speak to her on a deeper level, comfort her. Would have I told her about how energy is never destroyed and one way or another she would exist forever? Would that freak her out? I might even talk about God – even though I’m not completely convinced in about religion – would I revert back to my Christian upbringing.

Strangely, for a moment that felt right. Like I would tell her there is a giant man in the sky waiting to accept her upon death. I know if I was dying that would be a great and comforting thought – especially if that was what I already believed in the first place. I would probably take someone telling me those things in my last moments as a sign from God himself, too. It wouldn’t be of course – it would be some guy panicking just like I thought I was gonna do and telling you about God because that is the same story they have been brought up to believe.

I don’t want to sound like I think badly of religion or especially deism because I, a guy who has given these ideas serious thought, still can’t decide what I think or feel about it. I mean I surely wouldn’t spend the poor woman’s last minutes on earth debating the validity of Christianity. So what would I do – I’d probaly tell her exactly what I thought would make her feel most comforted. Sad in some ways.

This made me thing more. I should really try to get to the bottom of my own personal thoughts and feeling regarding religion, philosophy, and God. I mean, I want to make a decision here and go with it. I don’t really want to walk around the next 60 years or so with my head up my ass debating with myself. I know its a journey, but I wonder how everyone else seems to figure it out so easily.

I know some people are just uneducated and ignorant – they have just sold out to the first idea that was ever presented to them, but what about everyone else. How did one PHD professor come to the conclusion that God exists, but another that its all a lie? Is there any spirituality or was it all invented. I know that there are some great thinkers out there – great people – that think both ways. It’s certainly easy to just believe that you get a mansion and perfection after death, but something tells me its just not that simple.

Does anyone have it figured out or is it something else all together. Either way, I guess figuring out what we should expect after death, how we should live during life, and what it all means is part of this great journey.

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