Monthly Archives: September 2011

Thinking about Death

Yeah, it’s morbid, I admit. I was watching a movie the other night called “Golden Pond” – kind of a coming of age story for for dying… There is an old man named Norman who is 80 – he has lived a full life was a collegiate swimmer, and is kind of faced with the prospect of death. Which in turn, made me think about it.

Kind of a strange thought – one day I will be no more. I will not be on this planet. My conscious will no longer exist (or will it?) It’s kind of scary and kind of not all at once. It makes me sad to think about dying before my wife because I know that will be hard – I’ve seen other widows and I can see the pain. On the other hand, I won’t care – I’ll be gone.

I haven’t decided yet if there is an afterlife, but either way the thought is pretty amazing. I can definitely see why people turn to God or why the concept of a God and afterlife were invented (if they are not real). It is hard to accept that one will no longer exist, a consciousness that we have will no longer be in affect. We want to live – whether that’s from evolution or for some spiritual reason. Even the idea that my ghost will float around is in some ways better than nothing at all.

It really us the unknown that frightens most of us. What happens? Nothing? A new existence? There are about as many theories as possibilities on the subject. Religions have their say, scientist have an opinion, even science fiction writers have thrown in their what-if point of view. Funny thing is, I think that I am less concerned with myself and more concerned with the folks I’ll leave behind. For that reason, insurance companies will stay rich…


Don’t be a coward. Live life differently than everyone else. Explore the world and live in an unconventional way. Don’t feel like the way things are, are the way things have to be. Forget expectations and presumptions about what defines success or the things you “have to have.” Be a rebel, be courageous enough to do exactly what makes you happy. Do what fulfills you. If you learn this lesson early enough, your life will be all the better for it.

An update

Bought a Home:
Well, I guess it’s been a while since I wrote in my dear old blog. A lot has happened and honestly I’ve been busy as hell. First off, and perhaps most importantly I moved. It was hell on earth – the whole experience. The buying a new house part was stressful, the moving part was worse. I’m glad its over and now the fun begins. The maintenance and upkeep – yay. I made a few key mistakes.

1. I bought a small home.
2. I bought a townhome.
3. I bought an old townhome.

I hope I didn’t screw myself. The place is well maintained and in a nice part of town about 10 miles from the city center. I would call the neighborhood desirable and its “intown”. We got a pretty good deal on the place and we pay about $150 less than what we did for renting an apartment – so in that aspect I suppose its a good thing. Also, I don’t have to move all of my shit again for a whole – that is probably the biggest advantage I see.

A few other good points are that it is much closer to my work and my wife’s. Quality of life in general should improve for both of us for that reason alone. We also have a pretty nice little yard – which I have been spending the past few weekends working my ass of on. Which, honestly I enjoy, so that’s not necessarily a negative thing. There is also a few nice parks and a lot of running trails directly by our new place – and since I run a lot that’s awesome!

Damn is this shit stressful though. Spending a large chunk of savings and working out all of the details is enough to make renting almost worth it.

In the end I guess I should come out ahead financially by buying a home. Hopefully…

Arguing with the wife:
All of this stressful shit has stirred up a lot of friction between my wife and I. Myself being frugal and my wife sort of being they type that would rather “have it all now” collide a little more right about now. I have to admit that I over react, but I have certain goals that I want to meet. For example, she bought some patio furniture for the back porch today for $130 – which was a good deal – and I blew up. I was so mad and I really don’t know why. I guess because she did it without consulting me and I am the one who handles all of the budgeting and financing. I think a good talking to would have been enough, but I really went off like a volcano. Felt bad later…

Daddy Issues:
When I moved I had some help lined up. My best friend, brother in law, parents, and wife. My parents didn’t show! My dad was mad because I sold the appliances in my new house to make room for the upgraded ones. Of course he wanted the old ones – FOR FREE! I sold them, so he didn’t show up to help me. Like a true bastard.

Nothing new though… He didn’t help me move into college, out of college, in any of my two apartments, and now he wasn’t there to help me move in to my first home. Whatever, what a little bitch. His birthday was yesterday and I had the chance to be the better man and give him call, but I didn’t. Not because I was mad, but because I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how the conversation would take place. Would I just ignore the fact that he screwed me over? I mean it literally took me two extra hours. Only two men to move all of my possessions – had I known he wasn’t coming I could have arranged more help. He didn’t even call! Anyways – I wasn’t the better man and I didn’t call – even though my Mother asked me to. I should have, but I can’t bring myself to.

What you have to understand is that my father is a horrible man. It isn’t like this is his first offense. Growing up (and today) he has abused the system to get food stamps, doesn’t pay taxes, doesn’t take care of my Mother (one would say is abusive), and has been in trouble for drugs and various other things. Basically I took what I saw from him and did the opposite. He was an anti-roll-model! He is a real bastard human being, but ask him about it and he is a victim. Hell, maybe he is – what the fuck do I know? The real question is how the fuck did I come out “normal”. Geez, I have some mommy and daddy issues. One thing is for sure, when I have kids, I know what NOT to do.

I’ll whine more about this later.

The Good:
I’ll end this with some good stuff.

I’m settling into the new home nicely. The wife and I are doing well. We are having a few college friends come over to grill out this weekend, which should be nice. A few drinks and good food should be great! My wife and I are both working and the finances are looking good – right on track to meet my lofty financial goals of super-early retirement. Planning on traveling to Japan in April – looking good for that. Overall, can’t complain! (Except for the stuff I already have complained about above, haha.)