finding my target

I just got a message from one of my good friends, a room mate in college, who says he is moving to New York City in September.  He is going to work on wall street.  I have to admit that I am kind of jealous.  I spent 10 days in NYC last July and it is probably my favorite city.  It’s true when they say “there is no city like New York City”.

On the other hand I have been reading a lot of blogs, books, and doing a lot of thinking about the “zen” lifestyle.  The parts that have really been hitting home with me are about the “minimalist” and “appreciating what you have” way of thinking.  I mean if I were to live in NYC it would be very easy to get caught up in the rat race that is Manhattan and truly lose “myself”.  I doubt that moving to NYC and working on wall street would really make me happy in the long run – or maybe even in the short run.

I guess my point is – self evaluation.  Making a decision about what really makes me happy.  What makes me content. How I can thrive.  Sometimes I seriously think about selling everything I own, quitting my job, and just traveling.  Working odd jobs to make ends meet and just walking the earth for a while.  Kind of like a journey of self discovery and understanding.  However, when the reality sits in and I find myself with nothing – I wonder how I would feel.  None of this really matters anyways – I own a home and have a wife who would never want to do such a thing, I think.

There are other way to experience the world and work on self discovery rather than dropping everything and leaving.  I guess it wouldn’t have to be that radical.  I mean right now I have been traveling as much as possible and writing – both of which has helped me learn a lot about myself – even if no one reads a word of this. (which they probably won’t)

The key to reaching any goal is to know what you are shooting for and honestly I don’t know what I’m even aiming for.  I know what the status quo tells me to do, but somehow I don’t think those rules where written for me, I don’t think I fit in that box, no perfectly at least.  I guess that is kind of what “growing up” as a person is all about – deciding what to do with yourself.  I suppose I should just be thankful I can worry about such things and my basic needs are well taken care of.  I could be worrying about where my next meal would come from instead.

For now, I’m just gonna try to appreciate the little things and explore when I can.  If I keep doing the big things right – hopefully I will figure things out myself and eventually know exactly what I’m shooting for – and get it.


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