Mountains. Beach. Water. In one place – God it’s beautiful. One of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. Even the drive there was beautiful. I had about ten photos I couldn’t decide between, so I chose at random. This is it.
I’m 23, college educated, married, and have a stable career – but that’s pretty trivial. Who am I really? I am a man who has made mistakes. Some I have learned from.
I am trying to figure things out. I am trying to understand where I stand. What I believe. Trying to figure out what’s right and what’s wrong. What is taught by society and what is reality.
I believe in personal freedom. I don’t know where I stand regarding faith. I believe in integrity and honesty – to yourself and others. Even when it’s hard.
If you have read this blog some of the posts are my deepest thoughts – so I probably sound like a bastard. I’m just trying to be honest. Sometimes I get it wrong, but I’m just trying to learn, to work it all out for myself. I guess that’s why I write to begin with – to get these thoughts out – to stare at them before they slip away into nothingness and I get nothing from them.
I am egotistical and prideful. I am a know it all, but I know that I know very little – in reality. I try to appreciate differences and uniqueness. I have trouble tolerating laziness and intentional ignorance. I am flawed and at times I lack compassion – especially to those closest to me.
I want to do something great, to live life to the fullest, but I do not know if I have the courage to do so. I try to realize how large and diverse people and experiences are – and I try to remember there is more to this world than my own life. I want to experience more – as much as possible. I want to relate and appreciate it all.
I want to be a good person, but I’m not. Not always, maybe not ever. I try not to lie to myself, even when it’s difficult. I want to be true to myself.
If you are a Christian you were probably taught that if you are not a Christian and do not “accept Jesus into your heart” then you are going to Hell. All of your friends that were unfortunate enough to be born into another religion are also headed to Hell. Anyone who was born to stubborn to believe in God, also going to Hell. Those who died before accepting Jesus, that’s right – an eternal lake of fire. Growing up this always bothered me. I found it hard to accept those individuals that lead decent lives, but were dedicated to another faith were destined for suffering.
I found it interesting that Jews do not believe in a hell or eternal suffering for sins. I had thought for years that Hell was an old testament idea. I was misinformed. Soon as I branched out and began having friends that were of different faiths than my own I realized they were all going to Hell, right? They had more conviction and passion about being a Jew, Hindu, Muslim, etc. than I did about Christianity, but would go to Hell because they were born in a different region and to a different family and taught a different religion. It didn’t seem fair. It didn’t make since.
Why did God create such a place? Why did he create these rules? How does a man who never committed a serious crime, cared for his family, and lead a good life – but is a Muslim deserve to suffer for all eternity? How can anyone deserve this? I mean even the worst crimes are often committed by individuals who are victims of circumstance (I’m not justifying their actions) – even still does that permit an infinite eternity of the worst suffering imaginable? However, if you ask a devout Christian, a follower of the Bible, they cannot deny that is exactly what the Bible teaches. No matter the person or actions the fact is Non-believers go to Hell and believers are permitted entrance into Heaven, regardless of circumstance.
Now please don’t get me wrong. I do not think Christianity is evil. There are many good lesson to be learned. Charity, decency, love, and sacrifice. Jesus was a real person and I believe he was even a great philosopher and role-model. There is historical evidence that demonstrates this. The fact is, however, regarding Hell 1 + 1 does note equal 2. This ideology around the Hell is not logical. Is not just.
I guess my real complaint isn’t about religion, for now. Rather more about the illogical fallacies in any Religious text. The whole world didn’t flood. Noah didn’t fit 200,000 species of animals on a boat. Inbreeding wasn’t the means to populate the Earth. A man didn’t survive in a whales stomach. So on and so forth.
If anything, the Bible teaches lessons. To love. The ten commandments are a nice touch. It is not a book of historically literal events. The Bible was written over 100s of years by various authors based on translations and oral tradition. That’s just the fact. Sprinkles of truth were interwoven and the rest were stories to teach lessons and provide a moral to the story. We should put that into perspective. I think God would agree.
Just a thought, feel free to disagree and convince me otherwise. I’m open.
This has been a good trip for me. I have been in California for the last week or so. It’s a nice change from the East Coast. Just being away for a while has given me a chance to clear my head. To think about life, to figure out I need to deal with my problems, and to even forgive my parents for any grudges I’ve been holding on to.
I feel optimistic. I feel refreshed. I still have another week out here.
I was talking to my best friend today. We grew up with similar problems. He was making all the same complaints we both usually agree to. Mostly how our parents did a shitty job raising us, problems with society, criticisms of religion/politics, etc. That’s when it hit me. Just let it go. Let all the problems go. I told him that and he said he couldn’t. I can. So I am. I am going to really try to let it all go. Starting now.
I hate my facebook “friends”. Most of them complain too much, most of them are idiots I knew from high school, most of them annoy the hell out of me, and the few I might actually associate with never use it. Facebook does do one thing for me though, it reminds me how much I’ve changed in the last few years, how much I’ve learned. Take this conversation:
I almost actually commented. I wanted to explain to him that he was joining the military for all the wrong reasons. I wanted to explain the joining the military isn’t “sexy” it isn’t cool, it’s war. Its possibly taking another human beings life. It’s giving up years of your life for war instead of getting an education, instead of fighting and preaching peace, it’s leaving your family and friends.
I wanted to explain how perhaps a non-interventionalist policy was better. I wanted to go on and explain to him how our country is going into debt because of overspending largely because of these useless wars we are fighting. I wanted to explain to him how just because a man is middle eastern or Muslim doesn’t make him/her a terrorist. One person eventually asked why he wanted to join the military.
There were over 100 comments from almost 50 different individuals regarding his choice to possibly join the military. Mostly ignorant comments praising how “bad ass” he was for doing so – how he was going to “kill some fucking terrorist” and how “sexy” it was that he would be a military man. If this is a general consensus of individuals in our country it only confirms my fears of how utterly stupid we are as a nation. Time to unfriend some Facebook associates…
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